To Everything I’ve Ever Lost

There’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Not just what I’ve lost—but what I’ve found because of it.

We don’t always get to choose what’s taken from us. But we do get to choose what we do with the empty space that’s left behind.

And sometimes, if we’re honest, it’s not until we’re brought to our knees by loss that we look up and remember who’s been standing there all along.

That’s what this photo reminded me of:

“To everything I’ve ever lost, thank you for bringing me closer to Jesus.”

It stopped me in my tracks because it’s true. I wouldn’t wish some of the heartbreak I’ve walked through on anyone, but I also wouldn’t trade what it gave me—an intimacy with Jesus I might’ve never known otherwise.

Loss can strip us of our plans, our people, our sense of stability. But it can’t take the One who walks us through the fire.

So maybe the most unexpected gratitude we can offer is this: Thank You for the losses that led me here.

To trust. To surrender. To deeper healing. To Jesus.


Anchor Verse

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
Isaiah 43:2 (NIV)

When It All Feels Like Too Much

You know when life feels like one giant snowball — rolling faster and heavier with every hit of bad news?

Like you barely catch your breath from one thing, and the next thing knocks you down again?

Yeah. Me too.

But I’m starting to believe that those seasons — the ones that feel like too much — might actually be the very ground God uses to prepare us for what’s coming.

Not because He’s punishing us.
But because He’s forming us.

Because without the hard, we don’t always know how to recognize the holy.
Without the ache, we don’t always appreciate the abundance.

And I think He really wants us to be able to appreciate what’s coming.

Not just survive it.
But savor it.

So if you’re in the middle of what feels like a relentless season —
where the good feels distant and the hits just keep coming —
don’t give up hope.

This isn’t the end of your story.

This might just be the stretch of road that softens your heart enough
to fully receive the beauty that’s ahead.

Hold on.
He’s not done.


Anchor Verse

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!”
Isaiah 30:18 (NIV)

What Will I Be Remembered For?

There’s something I think about regularly —
not because I’m nearing the end, but because I want to live more intentionally in the middle of it all.

I think about the years ahead:
5, 10, 20, even 40 years from now.
What kind of life will I have built?
Will I look back with peace — knowing I gave my whole heart to the people who mattered most?
Will my child know how deeply he was loved?
Will my faith have shaped the way I showed up for others?

When I’m no longer here and I’ve returned to dust,
what will remain of me?

Will the people I loved still feel my love in how I made them feel?
Will the seeds I planted still be bearing fruit in someone else’s life?

I know that sounds heavy.
But maybe we all need to think about it sometimes.

Because legacy isn’t about fame or big moments.
It’s about presence.
Consistency.
Grace.

It’s in the quiet choices that no one sees.
The love we give freely, without condition.
The way we keep showing up — even when it’s hard.

So what do I hope I’m remembered for?

I hope I’m remembered as someone who gave her all
to the people who were entrusted to her care.
That when the sun sets and the moon rises,
you’ll still know that my love for Jesus was constant — not just in my words,
but in how I tried to love you, too.

Am I perfect? Certainly not.
But I want to live today — and every day I’m given —
with the kind of love that leaves something lasting behind.

Because in the end, that’s what I hope they remember:

That I knew Him.
And I tried to show you His love
in how I lived.


Anchor Verse:

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Psalm 90:12 (NIV)

The Nearness We Need

There’s a verse that always finds its way back to me when I need it most:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18

It’s tucked in the middle of a psalm filled with struggle and deliverance, fear and faith.
Just a few verses before, we’re told that God’s eyes are on the righteous.
That His ears are attentive.
That He hears, and He rescues.

But it’s this part that stills me:

He’s near.

  • Not distant.
  • Not indifferent.
  • Not waiting for you to pull yourself together.

Near.

To the brokenhearted.
To the crushed in spirit.
To the ones who don’t know what to say, but feel the ache just the same.


Sometimes we don’t need answers.
We just need assurance.

  • That we’re not alone.
  • That He sees.
  • That He stays.

And this verse — this quiet promise — is exactly that.


Anchor Passage:

“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry…
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:15,17–18 (NIV)

The Things I Want to Remember About Right Now

There are things I want to remember —
not just for the sake of memory,
but because this season is shaping me as much as it’s shaping you.

So I’m writing them down here —
quietly, softly,
like a whisper I can return to
when the house is quiet
and my arms feel too empty
or my eyes too tired
to recall the sacred weight of now.


I want to remember how small your fingers still feel in mine.
How you hand me books and sit in my lap without words.
How your whole body leans into love like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

I want to remember your laugh —
the one that bubbles up from your belly when something truly delights you.
The way it catches me off guard and heals something in me every time.

I want to remember how we dance in the kitchen,
how you ask for music and raise your arms in the air
like you already know joy is meant to be embodied.

I want to remember the way your head rests on my shoulder,
not because you’re tired —
but because you’re home.

I want to remember this version of me too.
Not perfect.
Not polished.
But present.

The woman who is healing in real time.
Who cries at night and prays in whispers.
Who stretches herself thin to make sure you’re whole.

The one who is learning to slow down —
to soak in the mess, the noise, the ache and the awe of it all.

Because this isn’t just your childhood.
It’s my becoming.


Anchor Verse:

“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.”
Psalm 91:4 (NIV)

The Beauty That Makes Us Shiver

There’s a word I stumbled across recently that hasn’t left me since:

Frisson.

It’s that sudden wave of emotion.
A shiver down your spine.
A rush of goosebumps when something beautiful or true or overwhelming brushes past you.

It often happens when we hear a piece of music that moves us. Or when a film scene captures something so human it aches. Or when someone speaks a truth so deep it silences the room.

It’s beauty. But it’s more than that.

And the more I thought about it, the more I wondered:

What if the frisson we feel isn’t just emotion?
What if it’s a glimpse of glory?
What if it’s the evidence of God, brushing up against our earthly edges?


I don’t think it’s an accident that our bodies respond physically to beauty and truth. The goosebumps. The tear that wells up unexpectedly. The breath that catches in our throat. The stillness that follows.

What if those aren’t just reactions?
What if they’re reminders?

That we were made to recognize wonder.
That we were designed to be moved.

Because God is beauty. God is truth. God is presence.
And maybe frisson is what happens when our spirit remembers Him.

Maybe that moment where your heart swells, your skin tingles, and everything in you says, “This matters” — maybe that’s holy ground.

Not because the music was perfect.
Not because the words were eloquent.
But because, for just a second, you were aware of the Divine.


So the next time it happens—
When you hear something that gives you chills.
When you see something that steals your breath.
When you feel something that you can’t quite explain…

Pause.

Pay attention.

Don’t rush past it.

Ask: “God, was that You?”

Because maybe it was.
Maybe it always has been.


Anchor Verse:
“One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.”
Psalm 27:4 (NIV)

Level Ground and Loud Praise

“From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly; before those who fear you I will fulfill my vows.”
Psalms 22:25 NIV

“My feet stand on level ground; in the great congregation I will praise the Lord.”
Psalms 26:12 NIV

These two verses are sitting on my heart.

These words feel like a declaration of steady worship — the kind that rises not from ease, but from endurance.

Because let’s be honest: sometimes praise doesn’t come from a mountaintop moment. Sometimes it comes from the middle — from the steadying after the storm, from the ache that is somehow still standing, from the places where we’ve vowed to keep going when it would’ve been easier to give up.

That’s what these verses remind me of.

They remind me that God is not only worthy of praise in private, quiet places — but in the presence of others, too. In the great assembly. Even when we feel vulnerable. Even when the scars are still visible. Even when the story isn’t over yet.

And they remind me that there is such a thing as level ground — even when life has felt like a landslide. God steadies our feet when we couldn’t steady ourselves. He fulfills His promises when we’ve been too tired to remember our own.

So if you’re in a season where praise feels more like a choice than a feeling — you’re not alone.

Stand on the ground He’s leveled for you.
Lift your voice anyway.
And know this: He’s not just listening — He’s present.


Anchor Verse:

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”
Psalm 40:2 NIV

The Season Before the Bloom



Nothing blooms without first going through a season.

Not the flowers.
Not the trees.
Not us.

We look at the petals and forget about the process.
The dirt.
The dark.
The slow stretching of roots beneath the surface where no one sees.

But that’s where it begins.
In the hidden places.
In the quiet.
In the parts that don’t look like growth — but are.

The truth is: God often does His deepest work in the seasons that feel still.
And stillness is not the same as stuck.
Waiting is not the same as wasted.

Just because it hasn’t bloomed yet doesn’t mean it won’t.

You might feel like nothing is happening,
like everything is stalled,
like this season is all delay and detour…

But maybe you’re not behind —
you’re right on time
for what’s growing beneath the surface.

And maybe the ache you feel isn’t the end of something —
maybe it’s the beginning of something that just hasn’t bloomed yet.

You’re allowed to be in a season of unseen growth.
You’re allowed to take root before you rise.
You’re allowed to honor the slow work of God in your life.

Because the bloom will come.

Not when you force it.
Not when you rush it.
But when it’s time.

And friend — it will be time.


Anchor Verse:

“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (KJV)


Closing Reflection:

If it feels like you’ve been buried lately,
maybe you’re not buried at all.
Maybe you’ve been planted.

Planted in grace.
Planted in mercy.
Planted in the very soil where new life will come.

So don’t lose heart in this season.
Something beautiful is growing here.

You may not see it yet,
but God does.

And He never wastes a season.

When Pain Speaks Louder

There’s a quote by C.S. Lewis that’s been echoing in my spirit:

“God whispers to us in our pleasures,
speaks in our conscience,
but shouts in our pains:
it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

I used to think pain meant something had gone wrong.
That it meant God was far.
That something was broken beyond repair.

But I’m starting to see it differently.
Maybe pain doesn’t mean God is absent — maybe it means He’s speaking louder.
Not to punish.
Not to push us away.
But to draw us in.

Because sometimes, pain is the pause we didn’t know we needed.
It’s in the ache that we finally slow down enough to listen.
We stop running.
We stop striving.
We stop pretending we’re fine.

And in that stillness — in the ache — we hear Him differently.
Not always clearly.
Not always right away.
But somehow, deeply.

Maybe pain isn’t the place we find all the answers —
but it might be the place where we finally let go of needing them.

And in that letting go…
there’s finally space —
for Presence.
For peace.
For Him.


Anchor Verse

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18 (ESV)

Maybe the pain hasn’t left…
but neither has He.

But It Is

There’s a phrase I haven’t been able to shake today:
“It’s not supposed to be this way. But it is.”

It keeps circling in my mind — not in bitterness, but in truth.
There are things I’m walking through right now that feel out of place.
Unfair.
Heavy.

It’s not how I imagined this season would look.
Not what I thought I’d be carrying.
Not the way the story was supposed to go.

But it is.

And I’ve realized… this is the part of my life that feels like Lamentations.
A chapter full of grief and unanswered questions.
The kind of chapter you don’t post about — but you live in.
One breath at a time.

But even Lamentations has this reminder tucked inside it:

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22–23 (ESV)

There will always be pain in this life.
But there will also always be mercy.
Even in the middle of the grief — not just after it ends —
God is still present.
Still steady.
Still love.

So no… it’s not supposed to be this way.
But it is.
And even here, He is.