Healing

The Weight of Words

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

Our preacher spoke from James 3 this morning, and I’ve found myself thinking about it ever since.

James compares the tongue to a bit in a horse’s mouth.

A rudder on a ship.

A tiny spark that can set an entire forest ablaze.

It’s remarkable that something so small can carry so much power.

And yet…

I think most of us know that’s true long before we ever read it in Scripture.

We’ve all experienced words that stayed with us.

Some became a source of courage.

Others became wounds.

Sometimes a sentence spoken in just a few seconds can echo in someone’s heart for years.

I’ve also realized something.

The words spoken to us have a way of becoming the words we speak to ourselves.

If we’re told we’re not enough often enough,
we begin to believe it.

If we’re constantly criticized,
our inner voice slowly learns the same language.

That’s why James isn’t simply warning us to be careful with our words.

He’s reminding us that our words have the power to give life.

Or to leave wounds that linger long after they’ve been spoken.

Not only in the lives of the people around us,
but sometimes in our own hearts as well.

And maybe that’s why I’ve been asking God to do something deeper than helping me choose kinder words.

I’ve been asking Him to reshape my heart.

Because I want the words that leave my mouth—and the words that stay in my mind—to reflect the One who gave me both.

After all, words don’t just reveal what’s in our hearts.

Given enough time…

they begin to shape them, too.

Anchor Verse

“Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.”

— James 3:5 (NIV)

God Has Been Patient With Me

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

The more life I experience,
the more I notice how patient God has been with me.

Patient in my waiting.
Patient in my overthinking.
Patient in the ways I’ve circled the same fears more than once.

And honestly,
I don’t think I always extend that same patience to myself.

I expect myself to heal faster.
Trust quicker.
Understand things immediately.

I get frustrated when I feel like I’m still struggling with something
I thought I should’ve moved past already.

But God doesn’t seem to respond to us that way.

Over and over throughout scripture,
He remains steady with people while they learn.

While they doubt.
While they wander.
While they ask the same questions again and again.

And maybe that’s part of grace too.

Not just that we’re loved.

But that we’re loved patiently.

Not rushed.
Not discarded when growth takes time.

Just gently led forward,
again and again.

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed…”
— Psalm 103:13–14 (NIV)

The Flowers I Didn’t Plant

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I’ve been thinking about the things that grow in us
that we never intentionally planted.

Not strength itself—
I’ve spent years trying to become stronger.

Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.

But there are other things
I didn’t realize were growing too.

Discernment.
Resilience.
Perspective.

A deeper understanding of myself.
Of people.
Of God.

Somehow, they grew quietly in the background
while I was busy just trying to make it through certain seasons.

And that’s what surprises me sometimes—

How growth can happen
simultaneously with grief.

You don’t always notice it immediately.

You’re too close to it.
Too inside of it.

But one day you look at yourself
and realize something exists in you now
that didn’t before.

Not because you chased it.

But because God was still growing things
even in seasons that felt uncertain.

Maybe that’s the strange beauty of life.

That even painful seasons
can leave something beautifully meaningful behind.

Flowers we never meant to plant.

“We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
— Romans 5:3–4 (NIV)

More Than Noise

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

“If I do not have love,
I am just a clanging cymbal.”

I’ve read that before.

I’ve heard it explained.
Heard it applied to how we treat people.
How we speak.
How we show up.

But I don’t think I’ve ever felt it
the way I do now.

Because it’s one thing to read about love
when life feels steady.

It’s another thing
to hold onto it
when it would be easier not to.

After everything I’ve walked through—
the moments that tested me,
the things that could have hardened me—

I understand it differently.

Because I can still speak well.
Still show up.
Still do the right things on the surface.

But if love isn’t there—
if it’s been replaced with bitterness,
guardedness,
or just going through the motions—

then it’s just noise.

And that’s the part that stays with me.

Not whether I get everything right.

But whether I let what I’ve been through
change the way I love.

Because that’s the real cost.

Not what happened.

But what it takes from you
if you let it.

So I’m learning to pay attention to that.

To protect it.

To choose it, even when it’s quieter
and harder to hold onto.

Because without it—

nothing else really matters.

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
— 1 Corinthians 13:1 (NIV)

Something Is Alive

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

It’s been a year since I started writing here.

At the time, I wasn’t writing from clarity.
I wasn’t writing from the other side of anything.

I was writing from the middle.

And if I’m honest,
I still am.

I used to think Easter would feel like resolution.

Like the kind of moment
where everything makes sense
and everything is made right.

But I don’t think that’s what it is.

Because if I’m honest,
there are still things in my life that don’t feel resolved.

Things that didn’t turn out the way I thought they would.
Things that haven’t been restored.
Things I still don’t fully understand.

And yet…

something has changed.

Not everything.

But something.

There are parts of me that are still healing.
Still learning.
Still walking through things I never expected to carry.

But there are also parts of me
that are no longer where they used to be.

Quieter.
Stronger.
More grounded than I was before.

Not because everything got easier.

But because something in me
didn’t stay where it was.

And I think that’s what Easter is.

Not the erasing of what happened.
Not a return to what was.

But life
where there wasn’t life before.

Not loud.
Not immediate.

But real.

And maybe that’s what I’m holding onto today.

Not that everything is finished.

But that something is alive in me
that wasn’t before.

And maybe that’s what this past year has been teaching me.

Not that everything changes overnight —
but that life can begin again,
even in the middle of it.

“Just as Christ was raised from the dead… we too may live a new life.”
— Romans 6:4 (NIV)

Not Everything Gets Given Back

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I read something today about Job.

That God didn’t give him his old life back —
He gave him a new one.

That some pain isn’t explained,
it’s redeemed.

And I’ve been sitting with that.

Because if I’m honest,
I think part of me still expects life to circle back.

To return what was lost.
To restore things the way they were.
To make it all make sense in a way I recognize.

But that’s not always how it works.

Sometimes what’s gone
doesn’t come back the same way.

Sometimes there isn’t a clear explanation.
No moment where everything is tied together neatly.

And that’s the part that’s hard to sit with.

Because redemption doesn’t always look like replacement.

It doesn’t always feel like more.
It doesn’t always come in a way you can immediately recognize as good.

Sometimes it’s quieter than that.

Sometimes it looks like continuing.
Like rebuilding without having all the pieces.
Like learning to hold both what was
and what is now
at the same time.

I don’t know that I fully understand redemption yet.

But I’m starting to see
that it isn’t always about getting something back.

Sometimes it’s about becoming someone
who can keep moving forward
even without it.

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten…”
— Joel 2:25 (NIV)

What I Reach for Without Thinking

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I’ve been noticing something I don’t think about very often.

Not what I choose —
but what I default to.

The things I reach for
before I’ve had time to decide who I want to be in the moment.

Because there’s a difference.

There’s the version of me that is thoughtful, grounded, intentional.

And then there’s the version of me
that shows up without asking permission.

The one that reacts before I reflect.
The one that fills the silence too quickly.
The one that tries to smooth things over, explain, or carry more than I need to.

And I’m starting to see that those moments matter more than I thought.

Not because they define me —
but because they reveal what’s still unlearning itself in me.

It’s easy to focus on the big changes.
The visible growth.
The things you can point to and say, I’m different now.

But the quieter work?

It shows up in the split second
between what happens
and what I instinctively reach for.

And lately, I’ve been asking myself —

What am I reaching for there?

Control?
Understanding?
Approval?
Silence?

Or something steadier?

Something truer?

I don’t think this is about getting it right every time.

I think it’s about becoming aware enough
to notice the pattern
before it runs the whole moment.

Because maybe growth doesn’t always look like a dramatic shift.

Maybe it looks like a pause.

A breath.

A different choice —
right in the space
where the old one used to live.

“Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord.”
— Lamentations 3:40 (ESV)

When You Realize You’ve Changed

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

There’s a strange moment that happens sometimes in life.

You’re in a conversation.
Or a situation.
Or maybe just a quiet moment by yourself.

And you realize something.

You’re not reacting the way you used to.

The things that once pulled you into long explanations don’t have the same grip.
The moments that once demanded your defense feel different now.
The urge to fix everything, to smooth every misunderstanding, to carry every tension — it’s just… quieter.

It’s not that life suddenly became easier.

It’s that something in you became steadier.

Change rarely arrives with an announcement.

Most of the time it shows up quietly.

In the pause before you speak.
In the decision not to chase every narrative.
In the realization that peace is worth more than being understood.

You don’t always notice growth while it’s happening.

But every once in a while, life gives you a small moment where you see it clearly.

Not because everything around you has changed.

But because you have.

And that kind of change doesn’t usually come from comfort.

It comes from the slow, unseen work of becoming someone who no longer needs to respond the way they once did.

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory.”
— 2 Corinthians 3:18 (NIV)

The Strength of Restraint

/ Baylee Snelling / 2 Comments

There’s a kind of strength people don’t talk about very often.

The strength of restraint.

The moments when you know exactly what you could say.
The explanation is ready.
The defense is sitting right on the edge of your tongue.

You could clarify.
You could correct the narrative.
You could make sure everyone understands your side.

And sometimes, you choose not to.

Not because you don’t have the words.
Not because you’re afraid to speak.

But because you’re learning that not every moment requires your voice.

There’s a quiet wisdom in that.

The ability to pause before reacting.
To recognize when defending yourself will only pull you deeper into something you don’t need to carry.

Restraint isn’t weakness.

It’s discipline.

It’s choosing peace over the temporary relief of saying everything you’re thinking.

It’s trusting that not every misunderstanding needs to be untangled immediately.

Some things settle in time.
Some things reveal themselves without your help.

And some things simply aren’t yours to fix.

Restraint asks for patience.
It asks for humility.

And sometimes the strongest thing you can do
is remain steady
and let silence do the work words never could.

Anchor Verse

“Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”
— Proverbs 16:32 (NIV)

The Version of Me I Don’t Show

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

There’s a version of me that moves through the day just fine.

She answers texts.
She smiles at the store.
She gets things done.
She sounds steady.

And then there’s the version of me that sits in the car for an extra minute before going inside.

The one who replays conversations.
The one who wonders if she said too much — or not enough.
The one who is tired in a way that sleep doesn’t fix.

Both versions are real.

I think we underestimate how much energy it takes to carry yourself well when life feels heavier than usual.

Not because you’re pretending.
But because you’re choosing not to unravel in public.

And that’s not dishonesty.
That’s discernment.

Not everyone gets access to your processing.
Not everyone needs to witness the unraveling.
Some spaces are for composure.
Some are for collapse.
Some are just for you and God.

I’m learning that strength isn’t the absence of struggle.
It’s knowing where to lay it down.

Maybe that’s just what it looks like to keep going.

There’s nothing wrong with the version of you that keeps going.
And there’s nothing wrong with the version of you that needs a minute.

You’re allowed to hold both.

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.”
— Psalm 139:1–2 (NIV)