I’m starting to wonder if sometimes I’ve mistaken analyzing for trusting.

I tell myself I’m processing.

Thinking things through.
Trying to understand.
Trying to prepare for every possible outcome.
Trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense.

And to a point, that’s healthy.

But eventually there comes a moment when all the thinking stops producing clarity.

And starts producing exhaustion.

A moment when I’m no longer seeking understanding.

I’m seeking control.

Because if I can understand it,
I can predict it.

If I can predict it,
I can prepare for it.

And if I can prepare for it,
maybe it won’t hurt so much.

But that’s not trust.

Trust doesn’t require me to know every outcome.

Trust doesn’t demand an explanation for every uncertainty.

Trust says:

I don’t know exactly how this unfolds, but I know Who does.

And honestly?

I think that’s where I get stuck sometimes.

Not because I don’t trust God.

But because I trust my own analysis more than His ability to hold what I can’t understand.

And that’s a difficult thing to admit.

Because there are situations in life that simply refuse to fit neatly into a spreadsheet.

Questions that don’t get answered on my timeline.

Problems that can’t be solved by thinking about them one more time.

At some point, faith asks me to set down the calculator.

Not because understanding is bad.

But because understanding was never meant to replace trust.

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