surrender

Rest Isn’t Weakness

/ Baylee Snelling / 2 Comments

This has been a hard week for me.

And if I’m honest,
I don’t always know what to do with that.

Because I’ve spent a long time believing
that being tired meant I wasn’t handling things well enough.

That if I were stronger,
more disciplined,
more capable—

I wouldn’t feel so worn down sometimes.

So I push through it.

I try to stay productive.
Stay positive.
Stay okay.

And most of the time,
I don’t even talk about how tired I really am.

Because somewhere along the way,
I started associating rest with weakness.

But there comes a point
where your mind, your body, even your spirit
start asking for something different.

Not more effort.

Just rest.

And I’m starting to realize
that surrendering to rest
doesn’t mean I’m giving up.

It means I’m human.

It means I was never meant
to carry everything endlessly
without stopping to breathe.

And maybe resting isn’t weakness after all.

Maybe it’s trust.

Trust that the world won’t fall apart
if I stop striving for a moment.

Trust that God can hold things together
even when I finally let myself be still.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

I Said It Out Loud

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I said it out loud for the first time.

“I sometimes feel like I don’t fully trust God.”

I had never said those words before.

Not because I didn’t feel them.
But because I was afraid to.

Afraid that saying it out loud
would make it more real.
Afraid it would mean something about my faith
that I didn’t want to be true.

So I kept it quiet.

But when I finally said it—
just plainly, without trying to soften it—

something unexpected happened.

I felt relief.

Not because I suddenly had all the answers.
Not because everything shifted in that moment.

But because I wasn’t carrying it alone anymore.

And I started to understand something.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust God.

It was that I didn’t trust myself
to let go.

To release the things I’ve been holding so tightly—
the hurt,
the worry,
the fear,
the need to understand what will happen next.

Because letting go feels like losing control.

But the truth is,
I was never holding control to begin with.

And maybe that’s what I’m learning.

That honesty doesn’t weaken my faith.

It brings it into the light.

And when it’s there—
it doesn’t hold the same weight it did in the dark.

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
— Mark 9:24 (NIV)

I Keep Reaching for an Answer

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I keep reaching for an answer.

Not out loud.
Not in a way anyone would notice.

Just internally —
trying to line things up in a way that makes sense.

If I think about it long enough,
if I look at it from enough angles,
maybe I’ll find the piece that explains everything.

But I don’t.

And I’m starting to notice that I do this
almost automatically.

Something doesn’t make sense,
and my first instinct is to solve it.

To understand it.

To make it feel settled in my mind
so I can feel settled in myself.

But some things don’t give you that.

Some things stay unresolved
longer than you want them to.

Longer than feels comfortable.

And I think that’s the part I’ve been wrestling with.

Not the situation itself.

But the fact that I can’t make it make sense.

Because faith, for me, has always felt connected to understanding.

Like if I trust God,
things should eventually come together in a way I can follow.

But lately, it hasn’t looked like that.

It’s looked like continuing
without the explanation.

Letting things sit unfinished
without forcing them into something they’re not.

And trusting — not that I’ll figure it out —
but that I don’t have to.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
— Isaiah 55:8–9 (NIV)

Ready or Not

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

How do you prepare yourself for parts of your life you didn’t want or ask for?

Because, ready or not, life is happening.

There was a time when “fake it till you make it” felt motivating.
Now it just feels exhausting.

I don’t want to fake strength.
I don’t want to pretend I’m unbothered.
I don’t want to convince myself I’m fine if I’m not.

It’s okay to not be okay —
and still be okay.

Maybe preparation doesn’t look like bracing.
Maybe it looks like breathing.

Maybe it’s not about forcing courage —
but about letting trust take root in places we didn’t choose.

Some seasons aren’t something you gear up for.
They simply arrive.

And you either tighten up against them,
or you learn to stand quietly inside them.

I’m learning that strength doesn’t always look like certainty.
Sometimes it looks like surrender.
Like rest.
Like quiet trust in the middle of the unfamiliar.

“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
‘In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength.’”
— Isaiah 30:15 (NIV)

I Don’t Need to Know Yet

/ Baylee Snelling / Leave a comment

There’s a strange pressure to have clarity.

To know where this is going.
To understand what it means.
To be able to explain it in a way that feels tidy and complete.

But sometimes life isn’t ready to be explained.

Sometimes it’s just being lived.

And I’m learning that not knowing doesn’t mean I’m lost.
It doesn’t mean I’ve missed something.
It doesn’t mean God is withholding.

It just means I’m still inside the story.

There are chapters you can only understand once you’ve turned the page.
And if I try to summarize too soon, I’ll miss the depth of what’s still unfolding.

So tonight, I’m loosening my grip on the need to define everything.

I don’t need to know yet.

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us…”
— Deuteronomy 29:29 (NIV)

Holding Two Truths

/ Baylee Snelling / 2 Comments

There are moments when my heart doesn’t know how to choose just one feeling.

Gratitude and grief.
Peace and resistance.
Trust and ache.

They show up together, uninvited, and sit side by side.

I’ve learned that faith doesn’t always resolve the tension.
Sometimes it simply gives you permission to hold it.

To admit that something can be right and hard.
That obedience doesn’t always feel peaceful.
That surrender can still hurt.

I think we’re often tempted to rush ourselves out of conflicted spaces —
to label one feeling as faithful and the other as wrong.

But Scripture is full of people who loved God deeply
and still wrestled with what obedience cost them.

So maybe this isn’t confusion.
Maybe it’s complexity.

Maybe it’s the holy work of learning how to trust God
while your heart is still catching up.

Tonight, I’m not asking for clarity.
I’m asking for steadiness.

The kind that holds both truths at once.
The kind that doesn’t force resolution too quickly.
The kind that believes God is near —
even when the feelings don’t agree.

“Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”
— Psalm 62:8 (NIV)

Not Yet

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

Someone told me today, “God is saying not yet.”

And it’s been sitting with me all day.

Not yet is a strange answer.
It’s not a no.
But it’s not the relief you’re begging for either.

It makes you ask hard questions.
Why now?
Why wait?
How much longer can I hold this?

When God says not yet, it doesn’t mean He’s absent.
But it does mean surrender looks different than we hoped.

It means trusting Him when you don’t get to see the work yet.
It means believing He’s still moving — even when all you feel is the ache of standing still.
It means learning how to breathe in the waiting.

I don’t have clarity tonight.
And I don’t feel peace.

But I do have a quiet resolve to keep showing up —
even when not yet feels heavier than I know how to carry.

So for now, I’m not rushing God.
I’m not pretending this doesn’t hurt.
I’m holding onto the belief that not yet doesn’t mean never.

And while I wait,
I will do what I can:
be strong,
take heart,
and trust the Lord with what I cannot yet see.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
— Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

Where Greed Hides

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

We’ve been talking about the spiritual disciplines at church.
Last week, the conversation was about generosity.
This week, it was about greed.

And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how the two aren’t always as separate as we like to think.

Because greed doesn’t always look like hoarding money or climbing some corporate ladder.
Sometimes it looks like holding back in quieter ways —
the kind we justify.

Like struggling to give our time.
Or hesitating to offer encouragement.
Or keeping our prayers to ourselves because we don’t want to say the wrong thing.

We tell ourselves it’s not greed.
It’s busyness.
Or insecurity.
Or boundaries.

But what if it’s more than that?
What if greed is anything that keeps us from living open-handed —
with our time, our words, our presence, our resources?

I’m realizing that greed hides in the small things.
In the moments when I pull back instead of lean in.
When I protect my own comfort instead of offering someone else mine.
When I talk myself out of giving because I don’t have “enough” — time, energy, words, wisdom.

But the truth is, if God asked me to give it,
He’s already given me enough to do it.

So maybe the better question isn’t “Am I generous?”
Maybe it’s: Where am I still holding back?
And why?

“Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
— 2 Corinthians 9:7 (NIV)

Daily Bread

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

Some seasons don’t feel like forward motion.
They feel like circles.
Like prayers prayed a hundred times over.
Like showing up, again and again, to the same hard place —
with nothing to show for it but faith.

It can feel like nothing is happening.
No breakthroughs. No answers. No big, sweeping change.
Just… more waiting.
More unknown.
More of the same.

But what if the change isn’t out there?
What if it’s in you?

What if the waiting is where you’re being refined —
gently, slowly, quietly —
into someone more surrendered, more rooted, more whole?

Maybe this is what He’s teaching you:
You don’t need to see the whole map to keep walking.
You don’t need tomorrow’s provision to trust Him today.
You just need the daily bread He promised.

Not clarity for the next year.
Just courage for the next step.

You’re learning to walk by faith —
not by sight.

And that’s no small thing.

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
— Psalm 119:105 (ESV)

Use Me, Lord — But Gently

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

There’s a quiet prayer I’ve found myself repeating lately:
“Use me, Lord… but gently.”

Not because I’m unwilling.
But because I’ve walked through seasons where my yes was misused.
Where my willingness was mistaken for weakness.
Where I gave freely — and it cost me more than it should have.

But when God calls, He doesn’t use us like that.
He doesn’t push past our boundaries or pull us into places that harm.
His voice doesn’t manipulate.
It invites.

And His use doesn’t leave me empty — it brings me back to life.

So I’m learning to trust this:
That when I surrender to Him, it won’t break me.
It will grow me.
Heal me.
Steady me.

And when I say yes from this place,
it won’t be out of pressure —
but peace.

So Lord, here I am.
Still willing.
Still soft.
Still Yours.
Use me — in ways that make me more whole,
not less.

“But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”
— Psalm 86:15 (NIV)