real life

Tired in a Way I Didn’t Expect

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

Do you ever feel guilty for being tired?

Not just tired from doing too much.
But tired from doing something
you’ve wanted to do for a long time.

Something that matters.

Something you don’t even get to do every day.

And somehow, that makes the tiredness feel heavier.

Because it doesn’t feel like something
you’re allowed to be worn down by.

It feels like something you should just be grateful for.

And I am.

I am grateful.

But I’m also tired.

And I’m starting to realize
those two things can exist at the same time.

That being thankful
doesn’t cancel out being human.

That doing something meaningful
doesn’t mean it won’t still take something out of you.

And maybe the guilt
comes from thinking it’s supposed to feel easier than it does.

But maybe it’s not.

Maybe it’s just something I’m learning how to hold.

Gratitude
and exhaustion
at the same time.

“Let us not become weary in doing good…”
— Galatians 6:9 (NIV)

The Version of Me I Don’t Show

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

There’s a version of me that moves through the day just fine.

She answers texts.
She smiles at the store.
She gets things done.
She sounds steady.

And then there’s the version of me that sits in the car for an extra minute before going inside.

The one who replays conversations.
The one who wonders if she said too much — or not enough.
The one who is tired in a way that sleep doesn’t fix.

Both versions are real.

I think we underestimate how much energy it takes to carry yourself well when life feels heavier than usual.

Not because you’re pretending.
But because you’re choosing not to unravel in public.

And that’s not dishonesty.
That’s discernment.

Not everyone gets access to your processing.
Not everyone needs to witness the unraveling.
Some spaces are for composure.
Some are for collapse.
Some are just for you and God.

I’m learning that strength isn’t the absence of struggle.
It’s knowing where to lay it down.

Maybe that’s just what it looks like to keep going.

There’s nothing wrong with the version of you that keeps going.
And there’s nothing wrong with the version of you that needs a minute.

You’re allowed to hold both.

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.”
— Psalm 139:1–2 (NIV)