spiritual growth

I Said It Out Loud

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I said it out loud for the first time.

“I sometimes feel like I don’t fully trust God.”

I had never said those words before.

Not because I didn’t feel them.
But because I was afraid to.

Afraid that saying it out loud
would make it more real.
Afraid it would mean something about my faith
that I didn’t want to be true.

So I kept it quiet.

But when I finally said it—
just plainly, without trying to soften it—

something unexpected happened.

I felt relief.

Not because I suddenly had all the answers.
Not because everything shifted in that moment.

But because I wasn’t carrying it alone anymore.

And I started to understand something.

It wasn’t that I didn’t trust God.

It was that I didn’t trust myself
to let go.

To release the things I’ve been holding so tightly—
the hurt,
the worry,
the fear,
the need to understand what will happen next.

Because letting go feels like losing control.

But the truth is,
I was never holding control to begin with.

And maybe that’s what I’m learning.

That honesty doesn’t weaken my faith.

It brings it into the light.

And when it’s there—
it doesn’t hold the same weight it did in the dark.

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
— Mark 9:24 (NIV)

More Than Noise

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

“If I do not have love,
I am just a clanging cymbal.”

I’ve read that before.

I’ve heard it explained.
Heard it applied to how we treat people.
How we speak.
How we show up.

But I don’t think I’ve ever felt it
the way I do now.

Because it’s one thing to read about love
when life feels steady.

It’s another thing
to hold onto it
when it would be easier not to.

After everything I’ve walked through—
the moments that tested me,
the things that could have hardened me—

I understand it differently.

Because I can still speak well.
Still show up.
Still do the right things on the surface.

But if love isn’t there—
if it’s been replaced with bitterness,
guardedness,
or just going through the motions—

then it’s just noise.

And that’s the part that stays with me.

Not whether I get everything right.

But whether I let what I’ve been through
change the way I love.

Because that’s the real cost.

Not what happened.

But what it takes from you
if you let it.

So I’m learning to pay attention to that.

To protect it.

To choose it, even when it’s quieter
and harder to hold onto.

Because without it—

nothing else really matters.

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
— 1 Corinthians 13:1 (NIV)

I Didn’t Sit Through the Sermon

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I was walking around the church with my son during service.

Our building is set up in a circle,
with the auditorium in the center.

So as I followed him around—
passing by the doors,
catching glimpses of everyone sitting inside—

I had a thought I didn’t expect.

This is hard right now.

Not being able to sit through a full sermon.
Not being in the room the whole time.
Not experiencing church the way I used to.

But it would be so much harder
if this looked different later.

If he were older
and I was trying to convince him to come.

Trying to get him to sit.
Trying to get him to care.

Because right now?

He loves it.

He loves going to church.
He loves going to Bible class.
He wants to be here.

And I realized something in that moment.

Even though I haven’t sat through a full sermon
in quite some time…

I’m still being taught.

Just not in the way I expected.

Not from a stage.
Not from a seat.

But in the middle of following him around,
in the middle of these small, shifting moments—

there’s still something to take in.

And maybe I’m learning just as much as he is.

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
— Matthew 19:14 (NIV)

Sitting in the Wilderness

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I’ve been thinking about something lately.

About solitude.

Not in a lonely way.
Not in a way that feels empty or disconnected.

But the kind of solitude Jesus stepped into
when He was led into the wilderness.

There’s something about that
that I don’t think I’ve fully understood before.

Because it wasn’t random.

He was led there.

And it was in that place—
quiet, alone, stripped of distraction—
that He was met with temptation.

And if I’m honest,
that’s the part that makes me hesitate.

Because I don’t find stillness easy.

Not physically.
And definitely not mentally.

When everything gets quiet,
my mind doesn’t always follow.

It wanders.
It replays things.
It reaches for thoughts that don’t lead anywhere good.

And it makes me want to avoid it.

To stay moving.
To keep filling the space.
To not sit still long enough
for those thoughts to surface.

But I can’t live that way forever.

I can’t stay in motion
just to avoid what might come up in the quiet.

Because Jesus didn’t avoid the wilderness.

He entered it.

And what I’m starting to realize
is that the discomfort of stillness
isn’t something to run from.

It’s something to learn how to sit in.

Not perfectly.
Not without resistance.

But long enough
to recognize that God is there too.

Not just the thoughts.
Not just the tension.

But Him.

And maybe that’s where the strength comes from.

Not from avoiding the quiet—
but from staying in it
long enough to know
you’re not alone there.

“Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness.”
— Luke 4:1 (NIV)

I Keep Reaching for an Answer

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I keep reaching for an answer.

Not out loud.
Not in a way anyone would notice.

Just internally —
trying to line things up in a way that makes sense.

If I think about it long enough,
if I look at it from enough angles,
maybe I’ll find the piece that explains everything.

But I don’t.

And I’m starting to notice that I do this
almost automatically.

Something doesn’t make sense,
and my first instinct is to solve it.

To understand it.

To make it feel settled in my mind
so I can feel settled in myself.

But some things don’t give you that.

Some things stay unresolved
longer than you want them to.

Longer than feels comfortable.

And I think that’s the part I’ve been wrestling with.

Not the situation itself.

But the fact that I can’t make it make sense.

Because faith, for me, has always felt connected to understanding.

Like if I trust God,
things should eventually come together in a way I can follow.

But lately, it hasn’t looked like that.

It’s looked like continuing
without the explanation.

Letting things sit unfinished
without forcing them into something they’re not.

And trusting — not that I’ll figure it out —
but that I don’t have to.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
— Isaiah 55:8–9 (NIV)

Holding On by a Thread

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I read something today that caught me off guard.

“I might be hanging on by a thread,
but it’s the thread of His garment.”

I don’t think I’ve ever thought about faith like that before.

We talk about strong faith.
Confident faith.
Faith that doesn’t waver.

But that’s not always what it looks like in real life.

Sometimes it looks thin.

Like you’re not holding everything together —
you’re just holding on.

And not even tightly.

Just enough to stay connected.

That’s what stood out to me.

Not the strength of it.
The smallness of it.

Because the woman who reached for Jesus’ garment
wasn’t making a statement.

She wasn’t trying to prove anything.

She was just trying to reach Him
in the only way she could.

And somehow, that was enough.

Not because her faith was impressive.
But because it was directed at the right place.

I think that’s what I forget.

That it doesn’t have to feel big.
Or strong.
Or even steady.

Sometimes it just has to be there.

A thread.

Not holding everything together —
just holding on to Him.

“If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.”
— Mark 5:28 (NIV)

The Part We Want to Rush Through

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

I came across something today that made me pause.

For a season, David was a shepherd.
The next, he was king.

For a season, Ruth was working in the fields.
The next, she was part of something she never could have arranged on her own.

For a season, Mordecai sat outside the palace.
The next, he was brought inside.

It’s easy to read stories like that
and focus on how everything changed.

How quickly things turned.
How differently it all ended.

But that’s not how they lived it.

They lived it in the middle.

In the parts that didn’t feel significant yet.
In the waiting.
In the uncertainty.
In the seasons that probably felt uncomfortable and unclear.

And if I’m honest,
that’s the part I struggle with the most.

I don’t like sitting in seasons that don’t make sense.
I don’t like the feeling of not knowing what God is doing.
I don’t like the stretch, the tension, the waiting.

I want to move through it.
Get to the next thing.
Understand it already.

But when I read stories like these,
I’m reminded of something I don’t always want to remember.

God does some of His deepest work
in the seasons I’m most tempted to rush through.

Not after them.
Not once everything is resolved.

But right there —
in the discomfort.

In the parts that feel slow.
In the places that don’t look like anything is happening yet.

The shepherding.
The field work.
The sitting outside.

None of it was wasted.

And maybe the part I’m standing in right now
isn’t something to escape as quickly as possible.

Maybe it’s something to pay attention to.

Because it might be the very place
God is doing the work I’ll one day be grateful for.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work
— James 1:2–4 (NIV)

Faith in the Unseen Work

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

One of the hardest parts of faith
is believing something is happening
when you can’t see it.

We’re used to progress that shows itself.
Plans that unfold clearly.
Answers that arrive in ways we recognize.

But God often works differently than that.

The most important work in our lives
rarely happens where we can watch it.

It happens quietly.

In the slow reshaping of our hearts.
In the patience we didn’t used to have.
In the wisdom that grows without announcing itself.

Sometimes we want visible movement —
a clear sign that things are changing.

But faith often asks something else from us.

It asks us to trust that God is working
in places we can’t measure yet.

Beneath the surface.
Behind the scenes.
Inside the parts of us still being formed.

And maybe the real evidence of His work
isn’t always what changes around us.

Sometimes it’s the quiet awareness
that we’re learning to trust Him
even without seeing the outcome yet.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
— Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

Not Flesh and Blood

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood…”

I’ve been thinking about how often we misplace our battles.

How quickly we assign faces to frustration.
Names to tension.
Blame to proximity.

It’s easier to believe the problem is the person standing in front of us.

Easier to react.
Easier to defend.
Easier to harden.

But Scripture gently reframes the fight.

Our struggle is not against flesh and blood.

Which means the war isn’t really with the person.
It’s with the fear.
The pride.
The insecurity.
The lies.
The unseen pressures shaping both of us.

This doesn’t excuse harm.
It doesn’t ignore boundaries.
It doesn’t mean you tolerate what isn’t healthy.

But it does shift the posture of your heart.

It keeps you from confusing people with enemies.

Sometimes what feels personal is spiritual.
Sometimes what feels intentional is insecurity.
Sometimes what feels like attack is simply someone else fighting their own unseen battle.

And when you remember that,
you respond differently.

You pray instead of react.
You step back instead of strike.
You guard your peace instead of trying to win.

Not because you’re passive.
But because you understand where the real battle lives.

We wrestle differently when we know what we’re actually wrestling.

And sometimes the most powerful move
is refusing to make a person your enemy.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
— Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

What Cannot Be Crushed

/ Baylee Snelling / 1 Comment

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed… struck down, but not destroyed.”

I’ve read those words before and heard resilience.

Lately, I hear something else.

I hear preservation.

Paul doesn’t deny the pressing.
He doesn’t pretend the blows don’t land.
He simply draws a line between what touches the outside
and what reaches the inside.

Hard pressed — but not crushed.
Struck down — but not destroyed.

There is something in the believer that cannot be flattened.

Not because we are strong enough.
But because Christ in us is.

Life can press.
People can misunderstand.
Plans can shift.
Expectations can collapse.

But the Spirit of God within you?
Untouched.

That’s the miracle.

The world can affect your circumstances.
It cannot dismantle your identity.

It can exhaust your body.
It cannot erase your belonging.

It can knock you down.
It cannot take what God has planted.

Maybe that’s what this verse is really about —
not grit.
Not toughness.
Not proving how much you can endure.

But the quiet truth that there is something eternal in you.
Something anchored.
Something held.

You may feel pressed.
But what matters most in you
is not crushable.

“Christ in you, the hope of glory.”
— Colossians 1:27 (NIV)